Monday, November 9, 2009

SNESticular Cancer? No such thing.

Every now and again, it’s nice to put aside all your stresses in life, pick up a gamepad, and play some SNES. There ain’t nothing in the world as satisfying as stomping Bowser’s minions in Super Mario World, lapping Princess Peach (again) in Mariokart, or tearing out Liu Kang’s heart in Mortal Kombat 2. Other than some Cheese Twists and a nice chilled glass of OJ, I can’t think of anything better to accompany a nice SNES sesh.

Until now. Presenting the Moustache Aficionado’s picks for “best tunes to SNES to”.

1. Jock Jams - ESPN: Combining all of the hype-ass songs that were big circa 1986-1994, these retro remixes will have you jamming your jock in no time. Get ready to MOVE IT MOVE IT, as you cheer on the D-FENSE, and PUMP UP THE JAMS, all while going from downtown in NBA Jam 95 Tournament Edition. WOOP! There it is!



2. Ping Island/Lightning Strike Rescue Op - Mark Mothersbaugh: Better known as the Life Aquatic theme, this bass heavy instrumental is full of all the condensed intensity you can handle as you hurl baddies into the screen in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time. Get ready for the epicly-building crescendo, just as Shredder approaches!



3. Ninja Rap - Vanilla Ice: Don’t hate on the ‘Nilla, this period correct tune will have you throwin’ your hands up in the air like Donatello himself. Not down for TMNT? No worries, this tune flows like hot margarine on popcorn with any other side-scroller, be it Return of Shinobi, Contra 3 Alien Wars, or Power Rangers. Like the Ice says, “Go Ninja Go Ninja Go!”.



4. Fuck the Pain Away - Peaches: Nothing like the pounding bass and rattlin’ hi-hats of Peaches cum rock anthem Fuck the Pain Away to get you jacked up while firing off hadokens in Street Fighter II. Samus Aran will have you thinking about sucking on her titties while she’s callin’ you in Super Metroid. Those Zombies eating your neighbours won’t even stand a chance!



5. Lollipop (Candyman) by Aqua: While this bubblegum techno-euro-pop choice may not strike you as obvious, just turn it on during a single round of Tetris block-stacking madness, and you’ll see why this is always on repeat. Also, it features a lot more innuendo than you ever could have imagined as a 10 year old child singing along.



While not comprehensive, these are but a smattering of our retro-throwback song selections. Don’t agree? Think we missed something? Quit being a whining pansy, why don’t you leave a comment?

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